PEW Researchers Make Mistake – American Jewry Is in Great Shape

by Dr Gabe

PEW Study researchers admitted today that they had made a critical error in their collection and interpretation of data they used in painting such a dismal picture of American Jewry and its future. Researchers admitted that they did not understand “Jewish Talk.” Mike McGreggor, one of the researchers, said that he was completely unaware of the “infinite ways” the word “oy” changes meaning. Researchers also confessed that they were unaware of the tendency of Jews to say one thing when they actually mean the opposite. “We learned about Jewish Talk too late,” lamented Dr. Alice Gravey, leading researcher, “If we had realized that Jews raise all of the negatives first, we would have waited to record their real answers which only come much later. We prematurely recorded.”

The New PEW Report, factoring in Jews Talk, demonstrates that American Jewry is experiencing its Golden Age. Never before in American Jewish life have so many Jews found value in their children’s Jewish education. Never have so many Jews found spiritual guidance from their congregation rabbis. And never before have so many young Jewish adults been attracted to the overwhelming number of exciting opportunities they have to be part of Jewish life.

The New PEW Report has also changed its use of the term “intermarriage” to “community outreach” and, again, we find that our efforts in this endeavor have never been as great.

Let’s celebrate our success and we give it up for Shushan America!

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