American Jewish University and Yum Brands, Inc. Form Partnership

by Dr. Gabe Goldman
International Reporter

Los Angeles: The American Jewish University (AJU) has forged a new partnership with Yum Brands, operators of Taco Bell, KFC and Pizza Hut restaurants worldwide. The new partnership will merge the AJU’s Fingerhut School of Education with Pizza Hut resulting in the new, Pizza Hut School of Education. “We are extremely excited by this partnership,” said Dr. Robert Wexler, President of the University. “Not only will this partnership bring increased funding to the program but will also provide each of our graduate students with a job and a car!” Under the new agreement, each graduate student will receive a Pizza Hut car and a pizza delivery schedule that allows him/her to continue their graduate studies. The partnership is not without controversy, however. Members of the University faculty have threatened to protest plans to serve Pizza Hut pizzas in the university cafeteria. Rabbi Brad Artson, Dean of the Rabbinic School said, “These are tref pizzas. What will they do next, start a hog farm?

The Fifth and Final “i” – INCOME

by Mordechai Shushan

February 24, 2013 – Jewish innovation funders have suspended organizational grantmaking and announced direct payments to individuals in exchange for signing a Jewish loyalty oath. In a stunning turn of events, major supporters of the so-called “Jewish innovation ecosystem” have announced they will end support to the myriad Jewish startups they’ve seeded over the past decade and opt for a direct to consumer strategy. “It was the obvious next step in our increasingly desperate attempts to ensure the Jewish future.” said one foundation professional. “I mean, how many organic cooperative eco-dance farm spiritual collectives can you stand? We’ve just decided to bottom-line the value proposition.

New Leadership Venture, “Bereishit,” Starts at the Beginning

A consortium of five Jewish Federations has announced a new initiative aimed at building a new generation of Jewish leaders – starting before birth. “Bereishit” is believed to be the first pre-natal leadership training program in the United States.

“Look, we know the indicators for outstanding Jewish leaders,” said demographer Seamus Katz. “Their parents are Jewishly active, well-connected, and can afford to give them Jewish experiences like dayschools, summer camp, and trips to Israel. And we have that information before their children are born. So why not act on it now and avoid years of needless delay?”

The new program will draw on previous training programs for the very young such as “Baby Einstein” and “TeleTubbies,” but it will go further. It will include MP3 recordings that can be played to the baby in the womb, repeating words like “campaign” and “committee” together with cooing and laughing.

Stuart Little, president of the Tri-City Jewish Federation, offered an optimistic prediction. “It often takes about ten years for a young Jewish leader to become an active donor,” he observed. “Thanks to this program, we can look for leadership gifts to our campaigns by the age of ten. We’re thrilled.”

Single Jews Who Enjoy Dressing Casually Congregate in Israel

Hundreds of single Jews in their 20’s and 30’s have congregated in Israel for some kind of conference/convention/gathering. When asked what the gathering was about, many of those in attendance couldn’t wait to describe what they were doing there. They all had a lot of energy and the one thing they all enjoyed was dressing in an extremely casual fashion. Josh Blumberg of town no one has heard of New Jersey said, “We are all very excited to be here! We basically get together and discuss Jewish things that have been discussed by many other Jewish groups.” Sharon Schwartz of another small town in New Jersey was also thrilled to be taking part in the conference. “We try and get Jews together to try and get grants from other organizations so we can keep gathering and get more grants”.

While many of the Jews have come from all over the world, they all share a common bond in trying to avoid dressing in any formal wear.

Avoiding the general work force also was a common theme. Jodi Felzenjew, one of the organizers of the conference/convention/gathering, now commonly known as the C.C.G., was very happy at the turnout. “We are trying to officially become an acronym. We feel that will really help us. Once the CCG has stationary that says CCG, we feel people will be embarrassed to ask what it stands for because it will make them feel ignorant. That’s when we really want to start going for larger grants.

“While there are at least seven other organizations who also gather to simply talk about being Jewish and doing Jewish things, the CCG does have a much higher blog rating and a larger group percentage wise that plays acoustic guitar. The CCG also has many speakers that speak about being Jewish and what it means to be Jewish, not only in Israel, but abroad as well.

The CCG plans to meet each summer and will continue to dress casually.

For further information go to: www.anotherjewishgroup.com.

a special guest post by:
Avi Liberman is a standup comedian who has made regular appearances on Craig Ferguson, Showtime and Comedy Central. He organizes and performs in the biannual Comedy For Koby tour which brings American comedians to Israel to help benefit the Koby Mandell Foundation. the next tour will begin May 31st in Modiin. For more info please go to comedyforkoby.com. Avi can be reached at aviliberman.net.

Taking Innovation To The Next Level

The Donor-Advised Community Fund of the Northern Jewish Federation has announced who’s receiving its annual Trailblazers grant this year. Called ProProGenitor, the recipient describes itself as an “incubator incubator.”

“There is a desperate need for innovation in the Jewish community, yet there are so few startups,” said ProProGenitor founder Pearl Melchizedek. “We want to break the gridlock.” The organization will gather research and conduct training programs to teach incubators how to launch new incubators. “It’s true that we won’t have any contact with actual innovators,” said Melchizedek. “Our expertise is in founding incubators which will found other incubators which will nurture innovation.”

Federation president Charlotte Web explained, “This brilliant project will have an exponential effect on innovation. We’ve awarded it $1.5 million dollars in recognition of its cutting-edge creativity. We’re thrilled to be working with these out-of-the-box thinkers.”

Museum of Tolerance Looks to Expand

The Museum of Tolerance and Simon Weisenthal Center have begun making plans to expand by taking over Century City Mall. Museum spokesmen said they also plan to expand by building 87 new Museums of Tolerance over the next year, with at least one in every state, and a minimum of 4 in Wyoming. The expansions will cost an estimated $82 million.

Many have become increasingly intolerant of the Museum of Tolerance calling the expansions a waste of money.

Rabbi Marvin Hier, head of the Museum had this to say when questioned about the expansion objections. “They are missing the point. Educating people about tolerance is important. Sure the money could be used on food, medicine, and other things that have no lasting value, but museums last”.

When Rabbi Hier was questioned about the board at Century City Mall trying to stop the takeover, he simply said, “I have no tolerance for those people.” The Museum’s executive board also expressed anger over the Mall’s lack of understanding. A claim that an ancient Indian burial site was discovered right where the Museum wants to begin construction has also complicated issues, along with rumors that all people wanting to enter the future structure must have at least one Academy Award, have also created tension. Museum officials flatly deny the Academy Award rumor saying that Rabbi Hier has enough to pass out at the door should that ever become an issue.

The Museum plans to continue with its pursuit of the takeover and will hold a Hollywood fundraiser in the coming month to help raise money. Everyone who has ever been in a film is expected to attend with projected proceeds to exceed the current deficit.

a special guest post by:
Avi Liberman is a standup comedian who has made regular appearances on Craig Ferguson, Showtime and Comedy Central. He organizes and performs in the biannual Comedy For Koby tour which brings American comedians to Israel to help benefit the Koby Mandell Foundation. the next tour will begin May 31st in Modiin. For more info please go to comedyforkoby.com. Avi can be reached at aviliberman.net.

North American Federated Federations (NAFF) Inaugurates Bureau of Definitions

Three people are being recruited to staff a new office at NAFF, the umbrella organization for Jewish organizations across North America. The office, dubbed the Bureau of Definitions, aims to encourage unity and shared values across the entire Jewish people, according to NAFF head Elie “Ollie” Infree.

A spokeswoman for NAFF explained, “we need a common vocabulary and shared definitions so we know what we’re talking about. Our board feels that we need to clarify the meanings of some words we use all the time.” For example? “We’re focusing on a short list of six right now: ‘peoplehood,’ ‘Jewish,’ ‘spiritual,’ ‘peace,’ ‘pluralism,’ and ‘outreach.’ We are thrilled to be making an enormous contribution by settling those meanings once and for all.”

Asked when the Bureau is expected to issues its final definitions of those words, the spokeswoman said, “I’m not sure exactly. I asked our board chair, and he said something about ‘when the Messiah comes.’”

Introducing The World’s First Kosher Camera

The Camera That Changes Reality

To answer the need for images without the display of women and girls, our dedicated scientists have developed the Kosher Camera. Sophisticated, built-in facial recognition software analyzes a scene and detects all the faces within the frame. It then covers the feminine faces with one of several options: our Mehadrin Mask (brown paper bag), the Glatt Blot (pixilated face), or Modern Modesty (black bar obscuring the eyes).

Designed in Jerusalem and assembled in China, this camera is made with the finest components.

All you need to do is to “point and shoot” and the camera with the hechsher will take responsibility for producing kosher results.

Order yours today at KosherCamera.com

*Advertisement* *Advertisement*

Federation Calls Meeting for No Reason Whatsoever

The Federation has decided to call a meeting of its officers for absolutely no reason. It was announced the meeting would take place two weeks from this upcoming Sunday, after preliminary meetings were held to discuss where the meeting should take place.

pJewishMisanthropy contacted Sharon Bluestein, Assistant Vice Chair of the Associated Youth and Development Planning Committee for the Development of Programming and Special Assistance to Program Funding, otherwise known as the A.V.C.A.Y.D.P.C.D.P.S.A.P.F., which itself has 304 members. Ms. Bluestein said that a lot of hard work went into planning the meeting and that the Jewish community will be helped greatly by its taking place. “We feel that by having this meeting we can plan other meetings which will in turn lead to other meetings as well.”

Steven Fisher, Vice Chair of the Planning Committee to Have Planning and Fundraising Chair Associations, the V.C.P.C.H.P.F.C.A., was one of the few dissenting voices about the meeting. “I just feel that the meeting was unnecessary at this time.” Due to the influence the V.C.P.C.H.P.F.C.A. has within the Federation, Fisher’s controversial stance was a minor blow to the 47 other committees who were all on board for the meeting. Fisher feels that at least two more preliminary meetings should have taken place first, and the new attitude of “rushing into things” will only hurt the Federation in the long run. Most however disagree with Fisher and feel that the Federation will come out OK with the meeting.

While both sides may disagree with the timing of the meeting, the cost was something they all agreed was right on target – only $57,000.

a special guest post by:
Avi Liberman is a standup comedian who has made regular appearances on Craig Ferguson, Showtime and Comedy Central. He organizes and performs in the biannual Comedy For Koby tour which brings American comedians to Israel to help benefit the Koby Mandell Foundation. the next tour will begin May 31st in Modiin. For more info please go to comedyforkoby.com. Avi can be reached at aviliberman.net.

Future Brings New Insights, Challenges

Mashe Oved, the eminent researcher, says he is thrilled to release the results of a long-awaited survey of Jewish day schools. Entitled “Jewish Education at the Crossroads,” it finds that the leaders of communal Jewish education face major decisions in a time of transition and change. Also this week, a white paper was issued by the United Kehillah of Masorti Yahadut (formerly the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism). Called “Conservative Judaism at the Crossroads,” it foresees a phase of flux and uncertainty which offer “new opportunities.”

In related news, the Center for Research of Jews, Judaism, and Jewish Life has announced plans for a three-day seminar in November on grantmaking in the Jewish community. “Philanthropy at the Crossroads” will focus on new directions for private foundations in an era of rapid evolution and new paradigms. Meanwhile, in the offing this spring is a Town Meeting on the Future of the Middle East: “Israel at the Crossroads.” Its organizers say it will draw attention to the urgency of considering new options in the constantly shifting context of the region.

Dr. Oved, the Distinguished Professor of Survey-Monkey Studies at Rabinowitz University, was asked what he foresees as the next big development in Jewish life. “With all these people at the crossroads, mostly I see a big traffic jam.”

Please consider the environment before deleting this article.